Unexpected Friendships

When I was in 7th grade, I had a crush on Paul DiGiacomo.  Big awkward teenage crush.  To my chagrin, I discovered that he liked another girl in our school.  One day, I found myself sitting next to her on the bus, and I spoke up (which, as you may know, is just like me).

"I really have a crush on Paul, but he likes you," I said sadly. (Actually, I probably said something more like, "I want to go with Paul but I heard from Karen who heard from Jane that he wants to go with you.")

"He does? I had no idea," she said.  "You can have him."  We giggled.  And became fast friends.

Later, in high school, I became friends with a guy who was dealing pot, and potentially other drugs.  I've never had pot in any form in my life, and was probably considered a bit of a goody-goody, but somehow I got to be friends with him.  I remember clearly saying to him after a story of a deal gone bad, "You need to be careful.  Please stop."  We're still friends, and he has cleaned up his act long ago, started a business, and has a wife and two beautiful kids. 

Now, via Facebook, I'm friends with the wife of a high school boyfriend.  I love that she is cool enough to reach out and want to be friends.  I dated her now-husband when I was 18... a lifetime has passed and I think she and I have a lot in common, and we certainly have some friends in common in our hometown area.  I like to believe I'd hang out with her if I lived nearby, because she's smart, she's easy to talk to, and she, like me, is balancing a career and family.

Now that I'm in my 40s, I've discovered that I'm often the "older friend", especially as I make friends with other moms of toddlers.  Since I started my motherhood journey later in life, many of my friends in Austin are in their late 20s and early 30s, with just a couple in their 40s, like me.  We're all novices together, and being older doesn't give me any advantage on wisdom - we just enjoy each others' company in any stage. My friend Nancy is about 20 years older than I am, and we met on the trade show circuit.  She's a mother of two girls, both in their late 20s. In the past six years I have know Nancy, I've rejoiced with her as she became a grandmother twice over, and sympathized as she struggled to find a cure for her oldest daughter's chronic, debilitating neck pain that has forced her to move back home and endure multiple surgeries.  Having an older friend means that I can hear about life from the perspective of someone who really has been there, and her patience, understanding, and love are much like those of an aunt or older sister.

Friends come in and out of your life, and sometimes that is difficult to accept.  The friends you may have had in one city are all busy with their own lives and families, and when you move, it's more difficult to stay in touch.  There is never enough time for all of the phone calls and email messages I'd like to send, but I think of them often.   The great thing about the circle of friendship, though, is that they're always there.  And there is always someone new who needs you, somehow, at that moment, and you'll find each other.  Enjoying the process of making new friends all the time is exhilarating... much like dating.  Getting to know new people and figuring out together what you have in common, where you agree, and what makes for lively discussions is one of the things that makes life so interesting.

You never know who is going to become a good friend to you - the petite spitfire, the beautiful fashionista, the intelligent lawyer, the glamorous former model, the stay-at-home mom, a political opposite... even someone you didn't like the first time you met her (or him).  

Take a look around, because your next friend may be the one you least expect.